Today Raul and I had a good convo with friends regarding relationships, namely: be protective or be possessive? [Disclaimer: I am not an expert on this. I am solely sharing my thoughts from experience] In our relationship, Raul has been protective, but I have had the propensity to be possessive. Is there a difference? Yes. Let me explain. Raul has always protected me–he is good about not airing out our dirty laundry to people; he ensures that our home is safe with an alarm system & with getting up when things go bump in the night; and he trusts God with me even though he may not trust others around me. I, on the other hand, have had the tendency to be possessive–I have made assumptions based on my lack of trust; and early on, I tried to keep Raul on a short leash & tried to keep us together, at the cost of NOT letting God do that. When we take control of the relationship instead of God, we move from “protection” to “possession.” When we neurotically assume worse-case-scenarios and incessantly interrogate or suspect…we are being possessive. But people are not possessions–they are gifts. You protect a gift and most importantly, you understand that the gift is not yours. The ones we are dating or married to are God’s. He’s given them to us as His special treasure. Possess them? No. Protect them? Always. What do you all think?
as a woman I can tend to jump to being possessive right away but I love those last couple of lines. It really puts things into perspective. They are God’s and he’s entrusted us with them to treasure and protect them. Great blog post, friend!
as a woman I can tend to jump to being possessive right away but I love those last couple of lines. It really puts things into perspective. They are God’s and he’s entrusted us with them to treasure and protect them. Great blog post, friend!
As a woman I can jump to possessiveness right away but I love those last few lines: ” The ones we are dating or married to are God’s. He’s given them to us as His special treasure. Possess them? No. Protect them? Always.”
It really puts things into perspective. Great post, friend!
As a woman I can jump to possessiveness right away but I love those last few lines: ” The ones we are dating or married to are God’s. He’s given them to us as His special treasure. Possess them? No. Protect them? Always.”
It really puts things into perspective. Great post, friend!
Interesting point of view and I do agree with where you’ve landed. I would add that possessiveness stems from insecurity and there is no place for insecurity in healthy relationships because insecurity is the first cousin of fear. Perfect love drives out fear so says my life verse 1 John 4:18. Without knowing God’s perfect love, it’s pretty difficult to extend love in this life- especially the intimate kind required for a healthy marriage.
Good stuff Heather and glad to have folks like you advocating for healthy relationships!
Interesting point of view and I do agree with where you’ve landed. I would add that possessiveness stems from insecurity and there is no place for insecurity in healthy relationships because insecurity is the first cousin of fear. Perfect love drives out fear so says my life verse 1 John 4:18. Without knowing God’s perfect love, it’s pretty difficult to extend love in this life- especially the intimate kind required for a healthy marriage.
Good stuff Heather and glad to have folks like you advocating for healthy relationships!
I completely agree with you Heather. Just like children born to us, our “other halves” are gifts from God and gifts are just that – given to us, freely. Possessiveness can easily come into play when we lose sight of this. Maybe we become preoccupied with earthly threats and distractions. Maybe, as you mentioned, our own insecurities come into play. Or is it perhaps that we’ve forgotten that as much as our mate has chosen us, God too chose us specifically for our mate. We simply need to receive the gift that God has so generously and intentionally given us with hands wide open, not clutched tightly, remembering that we have been entrusted with the amazing pleasure of loving them while we are here – what an honor and a blessing! You’ve been given that one person that you can be free to love freely!
I completely agree with you Heather. Just like children born to us, our “other halves” are gifts from God and gifts are just that – given to us, freely. Possessiveness can easily come into play when we lose sight of this. Maybe we become preoccupied with earthly threats and distractions. Maybe, as you mentioned, our own insecurities come into play. Or is it perhaps that we’ve forgotten that as much as our mate has chosen us, God too chose us specifically for our mate. We simply need to receive the gift that God has so generously and intentionally given us with hands wide open, not clutched tightly, remembering that we have been entrusted with the amazing pleasure of loving them while we are here – what an honor and a blessing! You’ve been given that one person that you can be free to love freely!
Wow. Very thoughtful. I’ve experienced both, of course -.more than few times. Thanks Heather!
Wow. Very thoughtful. I’ve experienced both, of course -.more than few times. Thanks Heather!
It took me several years to realize I was possessive. I too thought I was protecting our marriage! Letting God protect it is much easier!! Totally the reason we just celebrated 13 years! 🙂
Thanks Heather!
It took me several years to realize I was possessive. I too thought I was protecting our marriage! Letting God protect it is much easier!! Totally the reason we just celebrated 13 years! 🙂
Thanks Heather!
Great one Heather! I really enjoyed it & it was super insightful. 😉
Great one Heather! I really enjoyed it & it was super insightful. 😉